I have debated writing this post. I have gone back and forth over it but I think it is needed. I think it is very important. If you are here for homeschool encouragement, great printables, or ideas for homeschooling a child with dyslexia, please stick around. I will go back to all of that soon. However I think it is important to discuss this topic. Today I want to talk about the truth about suicide. As a suicide survivor I think I can share some valuable tips to help you or someone you know.
The Truth about Suicide
Before I continue, if you or someone you know is considering suicide please call the suicide helpline. In the U.S. the number is 1-800-273-TALK. Suicide.org has a list of lines for other areas in the world. You can also text the crisis text line. Text HELLO to 741741 to speak with someone. Right now, this post is not the answer you need if you are in the middle of a crisis. Reach out to someone who can help you. You are not alone.
I am a Suicide Survivor
Looking at my life now, those words are so bizarre to me. I can’t imagine missing all the things that are in my life now. However, when I was 15 that wasn’t my story. I was a very lonely and hurt girl who had been through way too much life for my short 15 years.
When I was 15 my mom decided we were going to move across the country from Maryland to Alaska! It meant leaving behind everything I knew and the only person I thought had ever loved me. (My boyfriend at the time.) She sent me to stay with my grandma while she drove across the country. While I was there, things seemed fine. I smiled and I played nice. I pretended that everything was fine for me. From the outside it looked like I was all better and nothing was ever wrong with me. Inside, I was falling apart.
One evening everything fell apart. It wasn’t that something horrible happened. I just realized in that moment that I had no hope. I lost everything I thought mattered and in my head, nothing was ever going to get better. I won’t discuss my method of attempting suicide. I don’t think it is relevant. I will say that I locked myself away. I didn’t leave a note or give any inclination that things were about to get serious. I simply went to a place where I could be alone.
As I lay there, fear started to take me over. I was sure that I would just fall asleep and never wake up. It didn’t work that way. There was immense pain and extreme fear. I started to second guess my decision and decided I would change my mind.. I barely made it up the stairs to my grandma because I was weak and dizzy. When I got up there, I told her what I did and then became sick all over her counter. She looked at me, cursed, then called my dad. She said, “Your daughter has done something stupid. Get over here and deal with it because I’m not.”
Over the next 20 minutes I faded in and out of consciousness while my dad and grandmother debated whether I needed a trip to the hospital.
At one point they even sent me downstairs to sleep it off. I don’t know how long I was down there before they decided to put me in the car and drive me to the hospital. I don’t even remember much of the hospital. What I do remember was very traumatic. I remember getting my stomach pumped. I remember getting sick. I remember a nurse saying, “Maybe next time you won’t do something so stupid.” Then I passed out.
I woke up the next day with my grandma by my bed. My mom picked me up and within the month I placed myself in a psychiatric facility which was followed by a year in a residential treatment program.
That was one of the worst days of my life but I have some things to teach you about suicide from the experience.
Things you should know about Suicide
The Person is not weak!
This statement always blows me away! People will say that you are weak if you attempt suicide and people will say you are weak if you don’t succeed. A suicidal person is not weak. They have lost hope. They see a world where things will never get better and there is only despair ahead of them. Losing your hope doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
The Person is not crazy!
I have heard it said many times that a person who attempts suicide or considers it is crazy. This is not true. There are chemical imbalances, medication side effects, and extreme situations that can prompt a person to consider suicide. This does not make them crazy. It means that they need help.
The Person is not attention seeking!
Not every suicide attempt is attention seeking. If someone is genuinely hopeless they may not see another way out. That being said, if a person is doing smaller attempts that make you think they are attention seeking, they may be crying out for help they don’t know how to get. Reach out to a suicide helpline or help this person find counseling services. It may seem small to you but these things escalate quickly if left alone.
Don’t dismiss it!
When we left the hospital after I attempted suicide my mom tried to act like things were fine. She registered me for school and planned to just get me into counseling when we settled in. There was something very broken in me and I just couldn’t pretend it was all ok. I ran away and checked myself into a psychiatric hospital where I lived for three months. After that I spent another year in a residential treatment center. That is where I celebrated my 16th birthday…
It can be hard to admit that your family member is in a bad enough place to end their life but it is so important to them that you do. Don’t dismiss it, make excuses for it, or pretend it wasn’t real. Your family member needs you to love them enough to get them help.
They aren’t going to Hell.
I will include one point about my faith and I will leave it here. I will not fill the entire post with it but I think that this is a very very important point to make.
One of the first things people do when they hear of suicide is say the person was going to hell or thank goodness they won’t go to hell now.
I believe that there is only one thing that sends you to hell. That is rejecting the gift of salvation Jesus gave by dying on the cross. That is the only thing that sends you to hell.
The bible says in John 10:28
“28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.”
It doesn’t say I give them eternal life unless they attempt suicide. It says I give them eternal life. If the person attempting suicide has genuinely accepted Christ and his gift of salvation then there is nothing that can take that away. No one can snatch them from the hand of God. No one.
If you know someone who has committed suicide or attempted it, don’t assume they are in Hell. You can not judge their heart. Only God can do that. Instead, remind them of the Hope they can have in Christ and show them love like God would.
They need you!
I don’t mean this person needs you to enable them. They do need you to stand by them. They need to hear that things can get better. They need to hear they are worth it. They need to know that you will do whatever it takes to help them regain their hope and be healthy again. They need to know that you will fight for them.
They don’t need to be trash talked!
When I walked up to my grandma I became a problem to be solved instead of a person. It was the same with my dad. I wasn’t his little girl anymore. I was a problem he was trying to solve. Even the nurses tore me down while I was going through the process. How much more hope and lasting impact would she have made if she would have said, “You will get through this!” “You will overcome this!” Instead, I will never forget laying there dying and hearing about how stupid I was. After my suicide attempt I heard some of the most disrespectful and disparaging remarks from friends, family, and complete strangers. This didn’t help me heal. This didn’t motivate me to keep going. This broke me and tore me down even lower.
Do yourself a favor, if you can’t be kind, shut up. I know that’s blunt but someone’s life could literally depend on you shutting your mouth.
Are you considering suicide?
Get help please! Call the Suicide Helpline. (1-800-273-TALK)
Your situation right now may seem beyond hopeless. You are walking through a really dark season and you aren’t sure it will get better. I have been there. I was so broken and shattered. I was sure there would never be happiness or love in my life. I was sure I couldn’t move past it.
I would have missed so much. I would have missed my husband, my kids, my friends, and so much more. You will miss out on the best things if you choose to make a permanent decision right now. It can seem so hard to fight another day but I promise you things will get better. Don’t be afraid to get help. You can overcome this and one day you will write me to tell me about all the amazing things that have happened that you could have missed. You will tell me stories of beautiful moments filled with so much joy they snuff out any of the darkness you feel now. Hold on, the best is yet to come!
Read more in this post for Suicide Survivors.
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Having tried 3 times I know exactly what you mean. It hurts me when family and friends make comments about people who commit suicide are weak and selfish or just attention seekers. If that was true they’d all of known what was going on with me but most of them still don’t know 10+ years on.
I did it because I thought I was a burden on those I loved. I thought the physical pain I was in would never end and I couldn’t cope. I did it because I’d been strong for too long. I never once did it to hurt anyone, I did it to help them.
I wish I could make my friends and family see this. My husband and daughter do. So does my Dad. Others have the same attitude as that nurse! A bit of thought on her side and you would have felt so different.
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. Please know reading it has helped me. Thank you x
I am so glad it helped you and you have come to a healthier place for yourself. Suicide is one of the biggest liars to people who are already struggling.
Thanks for your honesty and openness. We (my kids and I) are also suicide survivors in the sense that we lost someone to suicide. I’m glad you’re still here.
I can’t imagine walking that side of surviving. I believe honesty is the only way people will ever understand how to love and help a loved one.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for the pain you have gone through. I have suffered from severe depression, and at one time thought of suicide. My 16 year old daughter has attempted suicide twice in the last 8 months, and has been hospitalized 4 times in same time period. People, including family members and even our pastors, have said my daughter is selfish, self-seeking, and manipulative. Many have advised that we should put her in a treatment center, but her Christian counselor has said it would devastate my daughter. She also suffers from severe anxiety. There are so many misconceptions about mental illness. I’m so glad you have chosen to speak up and speak the truth.
Treatment definitely had it’s ups and downs. I think if you had a good quality Christian facility it could be a positive help for her.
Absolutely wonderful article! Good for you to put things in a black & white perspective.
Also, please check out June Hunt – hopefortheheart.org. This site is packed with helpful articles and info for not only suicide, but many other issues.
It may be helpful to look at their resources on this topic and share with your readers.
It’s helped me in other areas that I’ve struggled with. Just a thought. Thanks again for your article 😉
This is beautiful and so well written. I have had loved ones, my mom and best friend, survive suicide attempts, and sadly, I have one best friend who succeeded. Suicide has impacted my life so strongly that I find it so important to talk openly about. Thank you for writing this and sharing your story!
It always hurts me to hear that someone succeeded. I am so sorry for your loss. I will always be open about this. If transparency on this issue keeps one person alive, it’s worth it for me.
I UNDERSTAND. More of us should share our stories!
Have you heard of the new book that is facilitating immense healing and a long needed voice for children of divorce? Gee, that sounds like an infomercial. Sorry. But, if you’d like I’d be happy to send you one. Blessings to you today and always.
Thank you for writing this article, I found it while searching under homeschooling after suicide. I am a homeschool mom with 9 children. I homeschooled for 21 years and then put my younger kids in school. We lost our 24 year old son to suicide just 2 months ago. There were no failed attempts and no warning signs. Joey was too intelligent for his own good and the internet gives all the information you need…. all us survivors are suffering right now. I wanted to let you know that your insight into the hopeless thoughts and seriousness of the condition helped me. Have you heard Rascal Flatts song Why? Opening line: “you must’ve been in a place so dark, you couldn’t feel the light” I don’t even know why I am writing this right now, crying again. My husband and I have so much love and support among all our kids and their spouses, we are all leaning on each other which helps. But we are faced with 3 teens and 2 young adults struggling to grieve. We will continue with therapy and this dark road together. Your story brought home the seriousness of the depression, I’m so glad you recognized it for yourself even if your family didn’t and that you were strong enough to check yourself into a center and get help. I wish Joey had done that. I like what you said about not being weak, Joey was not weak, he had mental illness and that translates to faulty thinking, but I know he was being brave and courageous, he really believed he was a burden and our family would be better off without the burden of his problems. That is not what we spoke or conveyed to him but that is what he felt. Well I’ve rambled on enough, we will hold onto the truth that God is good all the time and the assurance we have that Joey is singing with Jesus now (he is a singer)
I am so glad that this post brought you some peace. He is singing beautiful songs and probably genuinely believed he was doing a kindness. Mental health issues can trick the brain into thinking suicide is a kindness when it isn’t. I hope that as your family grieves and works thru this process you can truly find healing and be able to forgive him. Forgive yourself as well. This wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause this. He loved you.